New year, new you, right? WRONG! Ugh, I’m so sick of how we are supposed to buy into the idea, literally and figuratively, that we need something new in order to be our best selves. The truth is, everything you need, you already have. Wayne Dyer said that…and he was a pretty smart cookie. So, let’s forget New Year’s resolutions and do something different, shall we?
There is a reason that New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within 3 weeks of a new year: our attitude stinks. Our mindset around these “positive resolutions” is what needs to change before anything else can. The other day, I was finishing a book by Pema Chodron, and I came across a quote that was very timely. It read,
“The problem is that the desire to change is fundamentally a form of aggression toward yourself. The other problem is that our hang ups, unfortunately or fortunately, contain our wealth.”
How beautiful is that? It’s a perfect reminder for the new year that you are already a great version of yourself, even if you do not feel like you are. You have survived every obstacle that has come your way and have more or less, remained unscathed. The you that you are now is something to celebrate. So, take a moment right now and thank yourself.
An Attitude of Gratitude
I learned from Gabby Bernstein, that a prayer of thankfulness can be offered up at any moment. Now, let me explain. A prayer can just be a statement of thanks, it does not have to be an official, “thank you God for XYZ”. You can choose to thank your body, your mind, your spirit, your legs for carrying you, your hands for creating beautiful things, etc. A prayer of gratitude can move mountains.
If for you that prayer is to God specifically, then great. I am not here to push any spiritual views on you, but to get you to think about your own mindset and how often you allow yourself time to be appreciative and grateful. I pray to God, a lot. He’s a pretty great guy who has helped me countless times. So, personally, I first thank God for strengthening my body and mind, then I thank my body for carrying me through the day (with God’s help). I try to do this every single day.
And do you know what? Since I started being thankful, things started to change. Remember: like attracts like. So, if you are telling God/the universe that you like yourself, more good things will come your way. If you are putting energy out that says “I am not happy with XYZ”, then XYZ will keep repeating itself in your life because it’s what you constantly think about.
PS: you don’t have to specifically say “I am not happy with XYZ”; in this case, it’s your mindset that does the talking. Merely making a list of things to change and ways to change that involve depriving or overworking yourself is definitely not going to send the message that you are in any way happy with your current circumstance. These actions translate as: I am no good, I must change because I am bad, I am failing, etc. That’s not very kind, is it?
Okay, so now that you know to develop an attitude of gratitude first, let’s work on the proper and loving way to alter your New Year’s resolutions so that you will find success, happiness, and peace. Because, although New Year’s resolutions are improperly executed, they mean well: the improvement of yourself and your surroundings. That’s ultimately what moves society forward, so it is important.
Forget New Year’s Resolutions; Do This First
I’ve learned that if you want to change yourself, but your motivation is out of self hatred instead of self love, you will probably not succeed and will make yourself miserable in the process. You cannot dislike yourself enough to willfully change. You can, however, choose to improve your life out of love and commitment to yourself. Basically, you can be grateful for your current circumstance, and then expand upon that gratitude.
Want a better job? More money? A better body? Better relationships? That’s all fine; it’s the ever evolving journey of self improvement. But be careful, because nothing exterior to you can bring lasting happiness; it all rests inside yourself. We always thing of a future date when we will be happy. Like, “I will be happy when I lose 20 pounds” or “I will be happy when I can afford a better apartment”. You are programming your mind to never be satisfied with your present situation. This creates inner conflict because you are never living in the now, but in the future. Isn’t that the very definition of anxiety?
New Year’s resolutions mean well, but do you think you can positively evolve by essentially making a list of things about yourself that you are currently unhappy with? Of course not; it’s a list focused on self hatred. You must change your mindset FIRST before expecting any New Year’s resolutions to stick.
If you approach this new year making goals stemming from last year’s so-called failures, you will be doing yourself a disservice. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, right? Encouraging yourself yields much better results than just naming off all the things you dislike about yourself. Approach all of your goals with a mindset committed to self love, not self hatred.
If you think you are overweight, don’t go to the gym because you are unhappy as you are. Rather, choose to exercise because your body is precious and absolutely deserves your love and attention. Your body is the only thing that is a constant in your life. It is your best friend, your biggest protector, your support system.
Think positively, act lovingly, support yourself.
Taking it slow is also a form of self love. I did not start to notice my life improving until I scaled my expectations of myself wayyyyy back. It sounds good in theory to make a list of everything you want to change, but you cannot realistically change all of those things. This overexertion right out of the gate will cause you to burn out quickly, and therefore lose all momentum for other improvements, leaving you feeling like a failure. How many times have you done that?
How to Lovingly Alter Your New Year’s Resolutions
I want:
- “To lose weight” –> “I love myself and want to live a long and healthy life; therefore, I will show myself care with diet, exercise, and rest.”
- “To make more money.” –> “I am grateful for the money I have and declare abundance for 2019. I am capable of making a budget and sticking to it.”
- “To have more friends.” –> “I am loved already, and by showing love to others and myself, I will attract the people I need.”
- “To have a bigger home.” –> “I am blessed to have a roof over my head. I will find space saving solutions until my perfect place is available to me.”
- “To be a better parent.” –> “I have always done the best I can with the knowledge I have. Now that I know better, I am able to do better. I will let my heart guide the way, and show love and patience as best I can.”
Strengthen your mind through self love first. Then, your mind will strengthen everything else.
Are you ready for a peaceful 2019 full of happiness, abundance, and meaning? Fantastic! Declare it and let it make its way to you, friends. Change that mindset first, though. Happy New Year!
-Kristen
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