Bah humbug. Is that how you feel? You’re not alone, friend. It’s the time of year where everyone’s happiness (real or just for Instagram) is in your face. You get invited to forced family/friend gatherings and are expected to be merry and bright all the time. Let me tell you a secret: you don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to. Let’s talk about holiday self care, shall we?
Personally, I used to looooove the holidays. I loved everything about Christmas…the movies, the cookies, the lights. It was wonderful. Then 2 years ago, I went home for Christmas and started having panic attacks. My body hated being back home. I have a lot of bad memories of my hometown that I’m not going to get into, but I think it’s important to honor those of us whose lives are not a Hallmark movie.
The holidays can be overwhelming for anyone, but especially those of us with certain triggers or sensitivities. And that’s okay! You just have to strengthen yourself enough to know your limits, establish boundaries, and not feel guilt or shame by choosing to not skip merrily along like society tells you to do.
If the holidays are not the best time for your mental state, it is so important to practice good holiday self care. But what does that look like? Let me give you some examples. But first, I want to preface that good holiday self care looks like strength. It looks like choosing yourself before anyone (yes, even your family). It looks like staying in and watching horror movies if that’s what suits your fancy. Good holiday self care is more about subtracting behavior, not adding.
Good Holiday Self Care Is…
1. Saying NO
Even if your family or friends don’t understand. They don’t have to and you certainly don’t have to explain. Even the bible says a simple “yes” or “no” is all you need; no other explanation should be given. You don’t owe anything to anyone.
You are enough, just as you are, doing what you please. If someone has an issue, you can still be respectful and say “I hear you”. But, ultimately, your goal should be to not absorb anyone’s unhealthy projections or expectations. How silly is it that we get mad at people for not doing what we want? It’s pretty childish, no?
2. Not overspending
To show someone you care, you should not have to go into debt or spend your rent money on presents. That’s so unnecessary. If someone expects too much of you, that is on them, not you. If someone is unhappy with the amount you spent, then I would reconsider that relationship. A truly happy relationship doesn’t like you more for doing or buying XYZ.
If you’re short on cash, homemade gifts are always on the table. I’ve made soap, scarves, and wanted to try my hand at candle making. You can look at Pinterest and find tons of homemade skin and body care recipes. A sugar scrup is as easy as sugar, coconut oil, and an essential oil if you feel like it. Put it in a $2 mason jar with a pretty ribbon and you’re winning Christmas.
3. Respecting your social energy
People are always surprised when I tell them I am an introvert, but it’s true! An introvert uses energy to talk to people and an extrovert gains energy talking to people. After being around people, I need some time to myself because it is draining. If you need some alone time to reboot, take it. Just because there is a different party every night doesn’t mean you will have more fun there versus sitting on your sofa with tea and The Great British Baking Show.
4. Not eating all the cookies
Sugar and stress aren’t friends. The holidays can be extra indulgent, but just remember to still get your nutrition. Your body needs vitamins in order for its processes to work properly; that includes the nervous system. Did you know a good portion of your nervous system and immune system is in your gut? True story. So if you’re feeling more anxious and notice it’s because of the white flour and sugar, eat some gut healing foods to reset. It’s fine to indulge, but get those vitamins too so you’re body isn’t extra depleted.
5. Not talking to Aunt Cheryl, if Aunt Cheryl is rude
Do you have a family member that just makes you feel bad? I am sorry for that. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want. You still have a responsibility to be kind and respectful, but maybe when Aunt Cheryl comes over, it’s suddenly time to excuse yourself to the restroom, or give your drink a top off.
Remember: hurting people will hurt people. If someone zaps your energy, that is 100% on them and not you. If someone projects their fears, insecurities, and perfectionism on you, that has nothing to do with you. Think of any unpleasant conversation as if the person you are speaking to is actually speaking to a mirror instead of you. Whatever someone says to you, they say the same thing (or worse) to themselves. Honor their pain, but honor yourself by not absorbing it.
6. Honoring your conversation topic boundaries
You know, things like, “When are you getting married?”, “When are you having a baby?”, “Are you dating?”, “How’s the job search going?”, “Are you STILL with that guy?”, “What did you do about XYZ?”, “Did you hear about (insert juicy gossip)?”. If something comes up that you’re not comfortable talking about, just respectfully say you don’t feel like talking about that or just change the subject. If politics comes up, just take a deep breath and don’t engage.
7. Remembering the real reason for the season
I was feeling really anxious after I put up my Christmas decorations because the holidays are triggering for me. I wanted to rip all the decorations down until I changed my perspective. I am a Christian and Christmas is special because Jesus was born, and He saved me.
If you do away with the societal pressures and just focus on the real meaning of the day, all of the sudden, there is calm. My Christmas tree no longer bothers me because I’ve changed my thinking and started using it as a reminder of God’s infinite love for me. Nothing else matters. You cannot even comprehend how much God loves you. That’s the real feeling of Christmas.
8. Love yourself, then love yourself some more
In a season celebrated for warmth and love, the person you should be warm and loving to IS YOURSELF. Seriously. The days are already darker, it’s colder, gray, and just blah. You don’t need to make your body feel overextended or unwell by sacrificing what you do have control over. And that, my friend, is your happiness.
9. Affirmations, affirmations, affirmations
If saying “no” makes you queasy, what I’ve found to be the most helpful is strengthening myself through affirmations. You cannot control anything in this world, especially not other people. You can control how you react, how you think, and what you say. If you’re nervous about declining an invite, or not spending a lot on presents, your only job is to affirm yourself and your choices. By strengthening yourself, you will be giving yourself the gift of clarity. Other people’s opinions won’t matter so much anymore.
10. Keep a routine
I read an article recently that stated if you don’t have a routine, you are doing your mental health a disservice. It makes sense, right? If you body knows what’s coming next, you are calm.
If you have small children, you know how important a routine is, and I don’t think we ever grow out of that need for security. So, keep a routine as much as you can. If you have a 7pm date with the gym, keep it. If you have date night on Wednesdays, do it. Just because it’s the holidays, you don’t have to change your entire life. It’s unnecessary and unhealthy.
I hope you have a happy holiday, whatever that looks like for you:-) I’m sending you so much love and peace and a gentle reminder to put yourself first. You are so, so worth it.
-Kristen
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